Many find it hard to break free from gift-giving traditions, but it is possible without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Family members should understand why you are foregoing gifts, and be supportive of your decision. There are various arguments you can present them with to substantiate this case.
1. You’re getting older
Children love discovering what’s under the tree on Christmas morning – from small gifts like stocking stuffers to more extravagant presents – because it makes their morning so memorable. Children delight in seeing all those shiny packages and hearing their parents’ voices making Christmas morning truly magical for many kids.
Though Christmas can be overwhelming for children, some parents are opting to limit the gifts their kids receive this year. A mother’s post on Tiktok detailing their new tradition became viral as she shared that only socks, books and educational items will be given as presents this year. Some families have also chosen experiences over gifts for their kids like concert tickets or cinema passes.
Some parents are creating an entirely gift-free Christmas tradition. Mumsnet user saffy56 wrote in a post shared on December 14 that her brother had decided not to buy any presents for the kids this Christmas; her decision has since been widely applauded on parenting site Am I Being Unreasonable forum as it helps kids learn that Christmas doesn’t revolve solely around materialism.
When changing gift-giving traditions, it’s essential that everyone involved knows about it in advance. They’ll find it much easier to accept your decision if they know it’s coming and don’t find themselves shocked on Christmas morning! If they still aren’t on board with it, assure them it is not something you will hold against them and promise not to hold anything against them in future discussions.
Setting clear expectations about how many presents your kids should expect can also be extremely helpful. If discussing this subject is uncomfortable for you, try providing them with a guideline such as: “something they want, need, wear or read”. For older children, giving them autonomy over creating their own wish lists could foster greater independence and develop confidence.
2. You’re financially strapped
No need to pile on debt this Christmas; if you’re struggling financially or simply seeking a simpler holiday experience, it is okay not to purchase gifts for extended family. In fact, it might be beneficial for all of you involved to start shopping now rather than wait until December when everyone has made lists and planned what they plan to buy for each other.
If you don’t want to completely forsake gift exchange traditions, suggest an alternative such as exchanging experiences instead of gifts. This could involve simply meeting at your favorite restaurant for dinner together or planning an outing that includes bowling or skiing as a family. Your loved ones may take to this idea or they may not – either way it’s okay!
Another great time to bring this topic up is during a family meeting when discussing budget for Christmas. This can help all family members come to an understanding about expectations and set realistic goals for this holiday season.
Communicate your decision to extended family in an email, card or other message. Be honest in explaining the reasons for going smaller this year without sounding accusatory or condescending. If it feels awkward telling them in person, send a quick and kind note explaining that while they are loved and would never intentionally hurt feelings by not receiving something this year.
Ultimately, if you decide to give something as a present for extended family, opt for something less costly like a board game or candy, so they understand your reasons for changing traditions. And should someone offer to buy you something instead, accept their present graciously while thanking them for thinking of you – teaching your kids gratitude at an early age is something great to model!
3. You don’t want to hurt your kids’ feelings
No matter your reason for wanting to change family Christmas traditions, making changes can be challenging and may take a great deal of discussion with loved ones. Once you do decide not to buy gifts for your children, be sure to inform everyone involved as early as possible as this could result in relatives buying items they thought your kids wanted or other presents which are beyond your budget.
Communicating early to relatives your plans to give fewer or no gifts this year gives them time and the chance to save money when buying gifts for yourself and your children, or find other ways of helping without spending money on presents. For example, if extended family insists on getting you and your children gifts anyway, suggesting they purchase gift cards for elderly or sick persons instead; or suggest they get books or educational items instead of toys as presents for you and your kids.
If your parents or relatives decide to buy you and your children gifts, don’t be offended if they choose items that seem overpriced or don’t reflect your values; be thankful that they cared enough to honor your wishes and bring joy!
Ultimately, changing your gift-giving tradition should teach your kids that experience-themed presents offer greater joy than more materialistic ones. They’ll learn that sharing and helping those in need are more valuable pursuits than individual pursuits.
Nonetheless, should your children feel hurt by your decision not to buy presents for them, try to remember they are only acting out their emotions. Even though their behavior may seem unacceptable to us as adults, their true feelings need to be acknowledged and validated for it is their real way of communicating how they’re feeling – it may be hard for you to listen when their anger or sadness surfaces, but doing so is key for helping your kids navigate life successfully.
4. You’re sick of it
When discussions about restricting or forgoing Christmas gifts surface in parenting groups on Facebook, reactions tend to be divided. Some respond with empathy for the idea that children shouldn’t rely on expensive presents to feel loved; while others respond with indignation and outrage. Nobody is telling them how they “should do Christmas.”
Are You Sick of Spending on Unappreciated Christmas Presents or Tired of the Stress of Gift Buying for the Entire Extended Family? Perhaps it is time to stop giving Christmas gifts altogether? Alternatively, perhaps taking in an elderly neighbor for Christmas can provide an ideal alternative. As soon as this decision has been made, please inform both immediate and extended family members so they can adjust their expectations appropriately.
If your mother-in-law constantly reminds you that she doesn’t get to see her grandchildren on Christmas, take action! Speak up and explain that it hurts your feelings that she takes such a position toward your kids and ask if you could instead send out cards instead of buying gifts for everyone in your family.
Another alternative would be to suggest that instead of exchanging gifts among your extended family members, all contribute to one charity that assists families during the holidays – like Toys for Tots, Salvation Army or Angel Tree – which provide toys and essentials to families in need during Christmastime.
Your family may appreciate some extra time to adjust. Giving everyone enough notice allows them to understand that quality time together is more valuable than physical gifts they exchange, plus any savings from gift exchange will free up budget space for other purchases throughout the year.